The Day of the 5 way!

Ok, My uncle has this younger second wife. I like her, won't call her auntie 'cuz that is reserved for his first wife. but wife #2 is cool with me. She is deep into this pyramid cult thing that is sweeping the nation. It's called Ardyss.

She has been going round giving presentations and recruiting folks (family, friends and foe) into this undergarment from hell.... I call it the raping machine.

One night she got me into one, and I personally didn't see any damn difference in the way that I looked. and I ain't paying $150 for the torture of putting this medival device of torture with fifty million hook and eyes just to suck in my gut. I like buddha just as she is!!!

Well this woman recruited one of my cousins into it. I DID NOT KNOW THIS!!

My cousin just moved into a swanky gated community and invited us to come to the house... my ass thought "HOUSE PARTY!!!!"

the trophy wife then says ohhh.. J, I'll come and get you and we can go have a good time. I'm down. that means I can drink and not have to drive.. cool! She gets there to pick me up and there is a hermaphidite (yeah i know i spelled it wrong but whatever) in the car. He bigger than I am and is in the passenger seat putting on his false eyelashes and mascara? then he gets out his car and has one a raping garment under his t-shirt. I know becuz i see the bulges where the hooks and eyes meet in front. why is his sissy ass wearing the female garment if they have a male version! oh LAWD!

What in the blue fuzzy..... hmmmmm

so we get to the house and i went looking for the bar and the food! AIN'T NONE!

then i see them setting up the dvd and this Ardyss shit starts playing. oh fuck i trapped!

Then my cousin drags me into her bedroom and says since you the biggest one here let try you. I yell "hell-fuck-no". My cousins's older sister, her daughter and the trophy hoe (i'm pissed at this point) come into the room and throw me on the bed!

fuck this is not good.... my better half is no where in site so I know ain't no dick coming!

these triflin' sale hungry heifas take off all my clothes and start to put me in a raping garment. I refuse to wiggle and help get myself into the damn thing. Then they bring in the fag cuz they can't get the hooks to meet the eyes for the last three at the top. one cousin holding my happily sleeping tits up and out his way and i telling all of them I will have them up on charges of rape and assault as soon as I leave here. In her laughter, my cousin lets my tits go, the flop happily back to their place near my belly (don't judge me, they been there for years thanks to big boobs in grade 3). they landed on captain eyelashes hands and she shrieked... yes, shrieked... like a girl!

now i have a high pitched voice and I don't think i could scream like that. say he don't like those things touching him... on behalf of my swing lows i was offended!!

so they get me in this thing and put my clothes back on, i haven't moved a muscles since they started and show and before and after picture!!!

well first off there was no difference in the look. i already have a nice shape i just have low breast and a big buddha in front that will bow down to no man or raping garment!!!

i tell them don't show people this cuz they ga want ALL they money back.!!

Where to start? with this bitch right here!!!

My sister is 13 years older and sometime 90 years dumber!!

So I sent my bouncing baby boy to her for the summer. She legally adopted him when he was born so he could get them Navy benefits! that was cool but we all know who his mama is.

she all bout in her hometown (stateside) profiling to folks bout her son and whatnot and that's cool with me. I love that.

Now while he been there, she ain't took his ass no where to do nothing cuz she always tired (read that as drunk from that pint of gin and 3 heineken chaser after work) but then that was ok cuz she don't drink when they went out in the car.

but the finaly straw for me was last night, my sister tells my 15 years old, he cant buy his school supplies with the last of his money cuz he gotta pay for groceries!

THAT BITCHES STRAIGHT LOST HER BRAIN TO GIN!!!

EXCUUUUUUUSSSSSEEEE FUCKIN' ME!!

I know she ain't come outta her mouth with this bullshit.

So I called the airline, changed his reservations and called my sister leaving her a voicemail since her and her best friend (another cunt bitch i gotta tell you bout) was sleep. I told her that I need my son home and i changed his reservation. I can't talk to her right now cuz i will only tell her all bout her ass.

Never a damn dull moment for me!!

But the bright side is I get my baby back two weeks earlier and we going to the Berry islands next weekend!!!

Sucks to be them

So my ma call me just now upset cuz the cable off. (even though big worthless older brother, who is now getting a weekly allowance outta me already called me earlier and say the internet off cuz the bill due)

my response is that she wanted to go to marketplace and i bought her a bday gift (hand made, hand embroidered kelly green silk pillow) . that is why the cable off... she says "well you didn't have to take me .. you should have let me say i wanted to go and take you if you know you had things to pay and now i supposed to sit here with nothing to watch?"

Oh MOTHER! my response ..... " you say that shit when the cable on so how is it being off a problem? and you're welcome for dinner on sunday!"

Why should i check that them two home with no internet or tv all day? but the two of them always have a hand out for something from me... meanwhile at dinner on sunday, i felt sick and ended up throwing up for like 20 mins... do you think one of either of these suck spirit dirgens even come look for me... NOPE!! by the time i got back to the table, they finished their entrees and ask if i was ready to go? whafuck and I ain' eat but dropped $55 for each of us in there... no fucktards.. y'all ga wait on me and let me eat first.

so i say to mother "you can wait til i get paid on friday and can pay the bill. otherwise that same money you was gonna buy a tix to new york can go on the cable." I mean is she serious... she was gonna drop $400 to go to new york for a week to a friend (a recent not that close to) friend who in a coma... call me heartless but she ain't finna know you there... and you have sick family here now.. do you really want to be away again when someone else dies?

i am not using my lil bit of funds in my checking acct so they could have the benefit of cable and internet becuz i may need those funds for car licence and my son's school fee.

fuck the cable!

i have video tapes to watch. it will not bother me i can promise you that.

fucking selfish ass niggas... urrrggghhh I can't stand that shit!

Long ass overdue

Thank you sweet baby Jesus that blogs are not like library books... I done fucked up and so much good shit been happening but I really didn't have the time to write and that's a shame. I promise to do better.

So here goes...

My 35th Birthday was yesterday and it was a weekend of greatness!!!

I mean yeah so I share it with my mom and two godmothers and like a ton of other folk but it was my day and I made the weekend rock for me.

But seriously, I do have a few problems I need to get off my chest/spleen before I bust.

1. I missed True Blood last night cuz my fat ass brother and naggin mama wanted to walk and play tourist in Atlantis. All they did was complain bout how Sol Kerzner need to take them gaudy tacky ass sculptures down... I'm thinking the tourist pay for that... you don't even have to go over there.. come on i missing sookie and eric!

2. My frakkin' boss seems to be extra clingy now... like she will call me into her office and then have nothing to say and I'm waiting for her to dictate a letter or ask me a question or something. Chap head just looks at me or continues watching tv or talking to someone else on the phone.. BITCH!! really? and then she turns around and asks if something she gave me earlier is ready. HOW! HOW? FUCKIN' HOW? is it finna be ready if I am staring at the chap in your forehead instead of at my computer (yeah i know on f/b or ykydaw.net) but i still get work done.

3. I was on the local cable news this weekend cuz our phone company (yup singular still since no other competition in the whole country) done fucked up again and had land lines and cell service out all day. the cable news team was in my usual pharmacy and the pharmacist tech (who is one of my best friends) told them how he customer wanted to beat her cuz she didn't have their meds ... cue my fully made up, hair did pretty self. and I gave them the reaction of a lifetime... (my better half ain't stop teasing me yet because my opening line was "I'm livid!" - he just mad cuz I read and have a bigger vocab!)

4. My son is in Jville with my sister to the end of the month and I miss his nutty ass. but I'm glad he is there.. cuz if he continues to fuck around in school and repeat then he lives with her permanently. I can't and won't put up with shit outta him no more. He so miserable becuase he can't just play on f/b or with the dj system... he has to have conversations with her... (torture at it's finest, since she almost always drunk after work) and he has a book report due to me when he gets back...

5. my sister (my son't legal mother, she adopted him for navy benefits damn near at birth) needs to quit fucking qhining and complaining. she had him for a few weeks over the summer. I laugh at her when she calls to vent cuz i say... "when he here, you have sooooo many suggestions on what i doing wrong!" lol... imagine if she had to drop and pick up from school and do homework... she is a damn joke. i tell her she ain't allowed to say shit to me know more bout what i need to do bout him and this and that.

Anyway... i think i caught you up on all the good shit. i will try and post again as soon as something juciy happens and you know with this life I have it will be soon.