April 17th Weekend.... aka Jesus I going to Jail...Got any bail money?

So on Friday our office usually closes at 2pm. I love my Fridays, I can go for Sushi or do whatever and pick up my son and head home.

But this Friday, I had a seminar that the office paid for that I had to attend. Mind you I have been exhausted all week long and was looking forward to going home and curling up next to the better half.

So chap head calls me 8:45am on Friday to ask for a ride to work… she says… “Since I riding with you to the seminar anyway.” My end of the phone went dead… in my head I’m saying… this bird is too damn much!

So she apparently catches a ride to the office and when it was time to close up, I figured I would hit the bank, deposit my check and then hit the road for a quick lunch and then go see if they were really having this seminar even though it is at the same time as a funeral for a local legal legend.

Chap-head rolls up and says “I need a ride home please. I have a headache and won’t go to the seminar.”

Fuck me twice!

So I drive her home (did I ever mention that she lives 3 mins away from my house) and then hit the bank, and head to the hotel downtown where this seminar is… I don’t even have time to stop for food. My sugar finna drop later but I figure that’s a good way to get out the seminar when my co-workers show up. But those bitches come as the last presenter comes on so I was at this thing for ¾ of the way thru.

All through the seminar my almost 50 year old brother who moved is lying, simple ass back to town while our mother is away. (but he don’t wanna tell her, he living in her house… fuckwad!) keeps calling to find out when I coming home cuz ain’t no toilet issue… LOL…. Cuz in the month he been here, he ain’t paid for nothing but cigarettes, anejo and coke. LOSER!!!

I get fed up and leave with the excuse of needing food and all I could think of is I deserve sushi today. This been the week from hell. So I call and order sushi for pick up but then had to sit in an hours worth of traffic just to get to the bank to get some cash (I ordered a lot of sushi) and THEN finally pick up the food. Better half calls and this is at 6:50pm to ask me to bring him something… so I stop off and get him a dinner (he don’t eat sushi) and some other incidentals (yeah yeah I got the tp).

I finally get home and it’s 8:20pm… I am past exhausted. I spend a leisurely night with the better half.

Saturday my neighbourhood big brother invited me to a little party at his house. I am still tired and decide not to go…

Picture this, after a week of not sleeping well; you cuddled up to your better half, naked, warm, cozy, and deep in sleep... I mean no dreams… blackout sleep. It’s 4:30am and the sound of banging on your door jump starts you out your sleep….. Is the house on fire? Has something happen to your son? Is someone hurt? NO! It is the drunken 50 yr old loser retard fuckwad who wants to talk to the better half… NIGGA… He sleep and so I am… Slurry McAssFace says wake him up! I slam the door in his face. His drunk ass comes back 5 mins later knocking like the devil after him. OH FUCK!!! I going to jail, cuz I ga take dis cutlass under my mattress and slap dis nigga head off!!!

My better half is a real man and says lemme see what he wants love, he is your older brother. Maybe it’s important. If I was a man, I’da beat his drunk ass and gone back to bed… but NO NO NO, not my man!

10 mins later he comes back laughing, I say what up? Your brother is an ass… this dude who ain’t got shit in this world, who wearing your son clothes and glasses right now, drunk off his ass, who can’t spend no real time with his 8 yr old daughter tell me to step my game up… cuz I cutting you off from your friends and our best friends getting married and everyone was talking bout us at the party! My love laughs and lays down say come baby!

HELL – MUTHA FUKKIN – NAH!!!!!!!!!!

I storm my short ass out front and confront this fucktard…. After listening to him run on bout how I need to do better cuz my apt floor need to sweep, and the clean clothes folded up need to be put away… and my son taking after me and I’m a bad mother cuz he dictates my life……

WHOA!

Well you know this shit won’t go down well, right?

I finally wait til hear him start repeating himself when I tell him… nucca your life aint flawless and you need to fuck off, fuck your life and be successful at something and kill yo self…. You sleep whenever your daughter at the house, never spend any time with her, ain’t paid for the food you eat or the tissue to wipe it when you done with it and all you had to do at that sorry ass party was talk bout me cuz I wasn’t there? DIE NIGGA DIE!!!

I am not 100% but I ahead of you in life. I know my son, who he is, what he likes , who his friends are and what he bout…. Your 8 yr old can tell you how to fuck and what to do... cuz of that scummy ma and sisters she have. And throwing money at her will not make her any better. Spend time with your daughter and stay the fuck out my business with MY son.

You don’t know bout raising no child!

We had a yelling fest for bout 20 mins when I told him once again… do us all a favour and fuck you and your sorry ass life. His best comeback: you sorry bitch...

No fucka, ain’t nothing sorry bout this here bitch… I’m proud of being a BITCH! Go get a job, get a life, or die trying. And other than asking for my son’s glasses off his face… I ain’t said shit since.

I did however get a good bit of doggie from the better half… that is the BEST sleep aid ever I swear…………..

When I called his twin sister to tell her this joke... she was like... I'ma be on the next plane down and we can fuck his ass up and I can come back before Ma finds out... That's my ride or die bitch right there... 13 year age difference ain't a factor I saying!

Never a dull moment in my life… deep sigh…. One day there will be a movie of my life… Queen Latifah finna play me!

How was your weekend?